I Believe There Is A Reason!

I believe there is a reason for everything that happens/happened in my life. I am not just talking about spiritually (though I do believe in God) I am talking about learning from every event that occurs and every person we "meet".

I had varying periods of good and bad events in my childhood. Throughout everything I just survived. It wasn't until much later in life that I started to learn from what I lived through. In fact, when I was about 11 or 12 (not quite sure when) and my parents separated, I blacked out my childhood. I did not start remembering until I started having children of my own. I have been told by many this is a defense mechanism used by survivors to cope and live. I must say this: if I had remembered everything at once I don't know if I could have survived and battled the suicidal thoughts! I guess that is the main reason I blacked so much of my life out and only remembered when I needed to grow and change.

I do not blame God or any person (even the abusers have been forgiven) for things that occurred in my life. I am still struggling, somewhat, to not blame myself and just acknowledge the lessons. I think blame is pointless and achieves nothing. There are still memories that I know are buried and will surface in time (when I can handle them and learn from them).

I can look back at the sexual abuse, throughout my life, and understand that is where most of my misconceptions about love and relationships come from. I know I still have a lot of learning and growing to do in those areas. Will I forget it all once I have learned all I can? I doubt it; but, I believe it will be less painful and emotional (I have to believe that).

I can look back on the poverty throughout my life, up to the present day, and see all the riches of family and community that it has brought into my life. So many lessons learned and knowledge I would never have gained, if I had all the material things. { A lot of the lessons are in my blog "Poverty Sucks?"}

I can look back at the physical, emotional and verbal abuse I have faced in my life and acknowledge that it does effect my view of others and how I interact with people. I also know this has a lot to do with my "Social Phobia". Therefore, it is obvious, to me, I still have a ton of learning to do from those events. Eventually I may forget them; but, somehow I don't think so right now.

Prejudice is something I have often encountered and still do. Although I have no real prejudice of my own, it is clear I still have lessons to be learned by facing this. So many people judge by appearance, wealth, religion, sex, heredity, race and speech patterns. There is so much judgement I just can't seem to wrap my head around it!

People come and go in my life. Some are amazing people, those I am proud to call friends and family! Some are a brief flicker and may still have more impact than they will ever know. Some are downright nasty, bitter, resentful, etc and still bring lessons to be learned. Therefore, I appreciate all people and am grateful to have met them (even briefly)! There have been "strangers" throughout my life who have helped my family, my kids and myself in so many ways ~ these has definitely taught me the value of giving and helping, even if it is just in a small way or through a few words!

I do believe that "Everything happens for a reason"; even if it takes me years to figure out what the reason is or reasons are!